This is the second post in the series "Becoming a Mum via an Alternate Route", and is the second half of my friend "K's" story. Please read the previous post as well as this one to get her full story.
"We had been married 10 years before the miracle happened. Many people had mentioned adoption to us but we both had felt that this was a very serious commitment and had seen situations that had brought much grief to both child and parent. We were not adverse to adopting a child but really wanted confirmation that this was the right path for us.
At one time we were asked to adopt a baby by a mum that we knew and so we then began the arduous procedure. This mum miscarried her baby but the process of adopting had been begun. It was humiliating and time consuming having to fill out numerous forms including Doctor's certificate and getting references from friends and family.
When an opportunity to go overseas for 2 years came up, we were told that our application would be rejected as my husband would be too old at 35 for adoption! We decided to go overseas anyway. It was while we were away that friends of ours came to care for a wee boy whose mum was not coping. She made a decision to adopt him - to us - and these friends contacted us in Cameroon!! We were back home with that beautiful baby boy in our arms after 12 days of travelling by sea and air. We loved him as our own from the moment he came into our lives. He is 25 now, married and a lovely son and husband.
One of the many amazing things about this for me was that I had a very vivid dream 10 days before being contacted by our friends. In the dream I had a baby and was told to go home and take care of my new responsibility. There were many other miraculous things that happened to bring this all about and we both felt this baby was a gift from God. This boy has been such a joy. He is very talented especially musically. I am sooo grateful that his dear mother gave him the right to live, was willing to go through that pregnancy and birth and then the huge heart wrenching decision to give trust him to us.
We had to wait until our son was 3 years old before we could start the process again for a second adoption. We were finally accepted 6 months later and another miracle happened almost immediately! It was like we didn't have much to do with it....just watch the drama unfold and feel a deep certainty in our hearts that this was orchestrated by God and something that we could never have done ourselves and if we had tried to, would probably have really mucked it up.
Those two boys love each other better than many blood siblings do. When our younger son turned 21 last year, the two of them went away for 4 days on their own to just hang out. Surfing, eating, fishing, jamming!
Our friends and family have always been supportive of us regarding these adoptions and both of the boys have made contact with their birth mothers and other members of their family. We decided to talk about their adoption from their earliest days and they have never appeared to be ashamed or distressed about it.
For me looking back on my situation, I am so grateful for my life and for the path given to me. We don't know where the course of our lives will lead us, but rather than run away from the difficult bends or try to straighten them out ourselves - I have found that facing them as a challenge and seeing them as the most important components in determining the direction that our life will take, who we will become and the part we play in this life we are given.
I remember once crying out to God as I was nearing the age of 42 and still wishing for a baby of my own. The words came to me "but I have chosen for you the very best!" and I started to think about how special those 2 boys are, how I could never imagine loving children born to me any more than I did these; and realised again how blessed I was.
Going through infertility is not something I would have ever chosen for myself but through it I have become stronger as a person.
We all have something in our lives which we wish we could change. We can't always change our circumstances but we can choose how we will respond to them. I can not imagine my life without these two wonderful boys .... and so our infertility brought huge blessings to us and our wider families and friends.
I hope that I am a lot more understanding towards people who do not have children and more sensitive and tactful. And I also am able to encourage and comfort those in similar situations to my own because I truely understand the pain."