"CHILD-ADULTS"

"If the biannual tyranny of skeletal models - male and female - strutting down catwalks in New York, Milan, Paris and London wasn't bad enough, now there's a whole new demographic. In late March, for the first time, London played host to Kids Fashion Week where, for an afternoon, a parade of 'professional child models' and children of professional models mimicked the weird walks of their adult counterparts while showing off the latest designer kiddie looks.
To those of us who grew up in that decade of sartorial challenge - the 1970s, where the height of child chic was OshKosh dungarees and hand-me-downs - the very notion that there should be fashion for children, let alone catwalk shows, is anathema. Surely the whole point of being a child is that you don't have to care what you look like?
Not any more. Perhaps it's the influence of celebrities such as Katie Holmes (whose six-years-old daughter Suri Cruise is already a style icon, her looks copied and discussed), or the likes of Jay-Z and his wife Beyonce devoting an entire Pinterest page to styling their new tot Blue Ivy.
Children's fashion is now a 500million Pound (around NZ$900m) industry and that's just in Britain. More pertinently, it is the only expanding sector of the fashion industry worldwide - thus, I suppose, Kids Fashion Week.
The kinds of child-looks making waves on the catwalk were not conducive to tree climbing of mud pies. Armani Junior showed ice-cream shades of taupe and peppermint with a boy's leather jacket at NZ$730, a girl's handbag at $240 and a girl's silk grey dress at $305. Even less likely to be a good bet for glitter fun or finger painting was a red silk scallop dress - for a four-year-old - by Chloe: a snip at around $2200.
Imagine the look on the yummy mummy's face when the dress gets daubed with choccy and ketchup. Even worse is the idea that the poor mite might be so terrified of wrecking such expensive clobber that she'd stick to water - or perhaps not eat a thing.
The rich are different.But the problem with Kids Fashion Week - and indeed the way every high street brand now does junior versions of its adult kit - is the pressure it puts on children to define themselves not by what they are or do but by what they wear and look like from an alarmingly early age. ....
What I worry about is the quotidian creep of children constantly being made aware of their 'look'. It's wrong for sartorial anxiety to be part of childhood at all. Children shouldn't be agonising over whether the Converse or the Uggs are more fitting, what brand their T-shirt is or whether social death will follow an unhappy pairing of top and trouser. We should be teaching our children that it is what is inside that counts, not the outfit."
SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE, 12/05/13. STYLE STARTING YOUNG : ELEANOR MILLS.
Kids' fashion, it's been around for ages, decades, if not longer!
The idea of making children more "aware of their fashion look" to some parents would be a positive thing, as some children show no interest in what they wear, or are locked-in on one article of clothing or colour which is permanently 'on'.
Eleanor Mills' article, however, certainly gets our attention with, "But the problem... is the pressure it puts on children to define themselves not by what they are or do but by what they wear and look like from an alarmingly young age." and again, "What I worry about is the quotidian creep of children constantly being made aware of their 'look'. It's wrong for sartorial anxiety to be part of childhood at all"...
For those of us who need the definitions -
"quotidian" ~ ordinary, everyday occurrence.
"sartorial" ~ tailoring, clothes, style of dress.
The concern Eleanor Mills speaks of is valid, and this is what I  want to discuss in this post.
The real issue or 'damage' here is bigger than kids just becoming overly interested in their fashion and how they look. Let's be honest, the experience described above is only one example of "Child-Adults", where children experience life as though they were adults.
Children are taken to participate in the adult world via a variety of means. Here's some examples ~
* VIA the entertainment they watch - TV, movies, DVDs, You tube, computer and screen games...
* VIA the social situations they participate in - attendance at parties, being present at adult social situation both at home and out...
* VIA the conversations that happen while they are present - adult conversations/disagreements, parents discussing topics inappropriate for children with adult friends...
* VIA the hoisting of children years ahead of their age in sport, culturally or academically - children who are 'pushed', 'worked on' and accelerated up the line in these disciplines. (Some children are incredibly gifted however, and absolutely love their sport or studies. To them the fast speed they progress is pure pleasure to them)
* VIA giving children far too much responsibility, or the opposite, too much independence and freedom for their age.
When children are made to be "child-adults", their child mindset is being changed to become like the mindset of an adult. 
Kay S. Hymowitz has written a short article, "Ready or Not: What Happens When We Treat Children as Small Adults" http://www.manhattan-institute.org/html/ready_or_not.htm .
This is what she says ~ 

“Children today grow up so fast!” How often we hear those words, uttered both in frustrated good humor and in dumbfounded astonishment. Every day the American people hear about kids doing things, both good and bad, that were once thought to be well beyond their scope; flying airplanes, running companies, committing mass murder. Creatures of the information age, today’s children sometimes seem to know more than their parents; in short, they are becoming sophisticated beyond their years. This leads us to wonder: Is childhood becoming extinct?

In Ready or Not, Kay S. Hymowitz offers a startling new interpretation of what makes our children tick and where the moral anomie of today’s children comes from. She reveals how our ideas about childrearing itself have been transformed, perniciously, in response to the theories of various “experts”—educators, psychologists, lawyers, media executives—who have encouraged us to view children as small adults, autonomous actors who know what is best for themselves and who have no need for adult instruction or supervision. Today’s children and teenagers have been encouraged by their parents and teachers to function as individuals to such an extent that they make practically every decision on their own, including what values they will adhere to. The idea of childhood as a time of limited competence, in which adults prepare the young for maturity, has fallen into disrepute; independence has become not the reward of time, but rather something that our children have come to expect and demand and increasingly younger ages.

One of the great ironies of turning our children into small adults is that American society has become less successful at producing truly mature men and women. When sophisticated children to grow up, they often find themselves unable to accept real adult responsibilities. Thus we see more people in their twenties and thirties living like children, unwilling to embark on careers or to start families. Until we recognize that children are different from grownups and need to be nurtured as such, Hymowitz argues, our society will be hollow at its core."

Hymonwitz gives parents things to think about. Are we are accepting the idea thrown around in the world about what children are and what our role as a parent is? This is a topic I have recently written on for my up-coming business to practically help parents.

THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ let them be KIDS. Give them lots of time to do child-orientated things. Keep material which is a source of adult behaviour patterns, to a minimum. Spend some time thinking about where you can go with what you have read here.

Cathy

"JUST A MUM?"

Continuing on in the MUM theme - this photo taken a couple of years ago is of Dorothy - my Mum who turns 90 this July. 
This quote was given recently to me by my Father-in-law who read it MOST enthusiastically as he agreed with every word.
"JUST A MUM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the Motor Registration office, was asked by the counter clerk to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the counter clerk, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mum." 
"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it." said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our Medicare office. The clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasising the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. 
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord's and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14hours a day, (24 is more like it), but the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - aged 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum'. Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations', and great grandmothers 'Executive Senior Research Associates?' I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts 'Associate Research Assistants.'"
http://www.itwillpass.com/family_research_associate.shtml
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS~ repeat you new job title each day and enjoy it while you go about another normal week with the kids.
Cathy

"MOTHERS DAY IN INDIA, THE NETHERLANDS AND AUSTRALIA."

Three women who now live in New Zealand, write about Mothers Day in the lands where they were born and grew up - India, the Netherlands and Australia.
MOTHERS DAY IN INDIA ~

"Celebrating Mothers Day on the second Sunday of May is very new in India and it can be said that in a time span of less than a decade, in the presence of umpteenth number of existing festivals, it is a concept slowly making its presence felt in a vast and culturally diverse country like India.
Globalisation, to a great extent has helped to make this Western concept to make its presence felt in India. Migrant Indians living abroad have helped in a big way to pass it onto their Indian relatives. Internet and technology has made information about other cultures more accessible than ever.

Mothers are loved, respected and even worshipped in India, yet there is a need for such a day which is devoted solely to mothers. Mothers Day gives them all the opportunity to celebrate such a day.
Just as in the West, Indians too take Mothers Day as a time too reflect on the importance of mothers in their life. They take it as a time to think about all the pains their mother took while they were sick, the hardships she went through in bringing them up and all the sacrifices she made so that they lead a better life. Mothers Day is the time to say a big thank you to mother for all this and for being a constant guiding force in our lives.
In India, people send cards to their mamas on Mothers Day. Make a special meal for Mothers so that she can have a days rest from the kitchen. Tradition of giving gifts on Mothers Day is also rampant. The whole idea of celebrating Mothers Day is to thank a mother, to make her feel important on the day and be happy about mothering and caring for children. Mothers should be pampered on the day by children and on the whole should be given a happy Mothers Day.Awareness about Mothers Day is much greater in metros and other big and happening cities than in smaller towns. Thanks to internet & mass media, who keep reminding people about when Mothers Day is and how it must be celebrated. 

Mother's Day Celebration in India is slowly catching!"

(from my friend Rachel)

MOTHERS DAY IN THE NETHERLANDS ~

"At an early age of 6-7 years, Mothers Day celebrations received much
attention through school. A rhyme was given to be written in my own,
“developing” scribbles, decorated with all sorts of colourful artistic
pencil drawings. It had be read out loud on Mothers Day. I remember
feeling embarrassed because the rhyme was from somebody else so I
couldn't relate to it as a kid. I thought it was really weird saying
these things to my mother. I was so unsure about it, I hid it away and
hoped she would never know it was there. That again made me feel ashamed
that I did not have the guts to read something like that on her
“special” day.
Later in life I bought her small presents from my limited pocket money.
She was always very exited about any present you bought for her and the
attention she received from my brother, sisters and dad.
Later in life it turned more into a social gathering. Although we all

disliked the commercialisation of Mothers Day, the endless adds on the
radio and magazines to buy something “special” for mother, we did buy
her presents like flowers, creams and trinkets. But most important, we
all were there on Sunday. There always was cake, booze, snacks a happy
face and heaps of laughter from mum. I think that was for her the
greatest mothers day gift, to have the whole family together having a
great time."

(from my friend Christine)

MOTHERS DAY IN AUSTRALIA ~

"Mothers Day in Australia comes at the end of autumn, and I remember many a Mothers Day afternoon as a young child, spent in our garden at home with our family catching and savouring the last of the sun. We would have tea in special teacups and cake (a sponge cooked by Mum filled with her homemade lemon cheese and topped with whipped cream). 

I remember spending the days leading up to the day making a card for my Mum - the lines of a soft pencil image pricked with a pin, then backed with a piece of black paper, or an attempt at a poem with huge effort poured into getting the spelling right.

Mothers Day was simple, no dinner out or fancy presents, but always white  chrysanthemums and stopping, being with Mum.

My Mum will be celebrating her 65th Mothers Day this year, with 2 of her 4 daughters, 2 of her 18 grandchildren, and 5 of her 14 great grandchildren at home. Happy Day Mum, wishing you many more!"

(Cathy)

Last night I flew back from Australia, having seen my Mum, and my mum-in-law. They are treasures, both in their 80's. They still enjoy conversation, think about innumerable things to talk about, are very thankful for what they have and still display care and thoughtfulness towards others. 

THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ let your kids be with you - especially on Sunday. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Cathy

 

PICTURES FOR PARENTS : PART 6 "SERENITY OF A MADONNA - Mother, an Example of Unruffled Tranquility"

                                             The Child's Caress : Mary Cassatt

                                     The Child's Bath : Mary Cassatt

                                   Small Cowper Madonna : Raphael

                                             Young Mother : Renoir

                                         Doni Tondo : Michelangelo

                                  Madonna and Child : Fra Filippo Lippi
This is the 6th post in the series PICTURES FOR PARENTS. This post is called "Serenity of a Madonna - Mother, an example of unruffled tranquility."
"It is not for nothing that the old painters, however diverse their ideas in other matters, all fixed upon one quality as proper to the pattern Mother. The Madonna, no matter out of whose canvas she looks at you, is always serene. This is a great truth, and we should do well to hang our walls with the Madonnas of all the early Masters if the lesson, taught through the eye, would reach with calming influence to the heart." School Education : Charlotte Mason. p 33.
If you google image "paintings of mothers" or "old master paintings of mothers", you will find an enormous number of mother and madonna paintings that have been painted over the centuries, and most of them have serene faces.
I like Charlotte Mason's thought or wish, that the serenity in the painted madonna's face could bring calm to the heart of the gazer. I want to make some comments on 2 sections of the quote above.
  1.  "It is not for nothing that the old painters .... all fixed on one quality as proper to the pattern mother." ~
It is not coincidental that the old painters came to the same conclusion, then attempted to paint this one 'quality' to represent motherhood - serenity. What an unlikely choice! Some would say that mothers have moved on from here, mothers today can do anything. Some may think serenity to be irrelevant for a mother in the 21st century. We are too busy and there's no time to sit around being serene. With the many messages today of what a mum is to be, we tend to want to be free from such a restrictive role of expressionless, dull, non-assertive, serenity. But the point Charlotte Mason makes, that countless artists not just through the Renaissance but over many centuries, have repeatedly portrayed mothers with a serene expression, certainly  makes one stop and think. WHY serene?
"SERENE" = calm, untroubled, unperturbed, expressive or suggestive of tranquility, clear, quiet radiance or brightness, unruffled, cheerful.  Charlotte suggests that the pattern of a mother, the template from which motherhood comes, is serenity, and the old painters continued to express this trait in the faces of mothers for hundreds of years. So serenity must be an important ingredient in a mother's makeup. 
If you think back to when you were a child and imagine how you would have felt if your mother had been calm, untroubled, unperturbed, tranquil, unruffled and cheerful through most of your growing-up years, you would possibly have grown into a different adult to who you are today. Your childhood would probably have been more wonderful than it was. It would have developed your capacity to be calm, unflappable and confident. This is what our children need for their future, they need to find in us a confident example of serenity. Living in a time of huge hurry and distraction, children need mothers who are serene.
  2.  "The lesson taught through the eye could reach with calming influence to the heart." ~
In the past centuries, before books were a common possession, images and art were a means of learning and influenced people's lives. Today we still know this to be true with the growing power of the visual world  through technology. Statistics increasingly show the connection between the visual material people look at and how they think and behave. This has been proven especially in the areas of violence and inappropriate sexual material. 
What we look at shapes what we think, say and do.
So Charlotte's idea to "hang our walls  with the Madonnas of all the early Masters", has real merit. Continually looking at serene faces, being reminded of the positive effects of an untroubled mum who expresses tranquility, is unruffled, cheerful and calm, could possibly have the effect Charlotte hopes for, in influencing our heart and starting new patterns of thought and behaviour, to the benefit of ourselves and out family.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ borrow some art books from the library with prints of mothers and madonnas. Have a close look at the mothers faces, and look at what they are doing while they hold their serene expression on their face. They are probably doing normal everyday jobs, like we do. Take your time to look carefully. Put them up for a time if you wish so you can memorise the images, and keep them influencing your mind.
Cathy

PICTURES FOR PARENTS - PART 5 " CARRYING OUR OWN WATER JARS - Parents are Parents, Children are Children"

                                                    Kurdish Women Carrying Water Jars.
This is PART 5 in a series, PICTURES FOR PARENTS,"CARRYING OUR OWN WATER JARS - Parents are Parents, Children are Children."
"In a nutshell, parentification is violation of a generational line," says Bryan Robinson, professor of counselling, special education and child development at the University of North Carolina Charlotte. "It's a line that says, 'We're adults, and you're children.' "
Robinson believes that line is being crossed more often these days, and not just in clear-cut involving neglect, sexual abuse and severely troubled parents. It's happening, he says, in outwardly successful families with parents who are absorbed in work, stressed by divorce, or just plain afraid to say no to their kids. ....
Much of what Robinson and his colleagues say sounds like old-fashioned common sense: Parents owe it to their children to set limits, make tough decisions, be the caretakers and handle their own adult problems, rather than dumping them on the kids." WHEN CHILDREN TAKE ON A PARENTING ROLE : Ann Doss Helms. 
The quote above is in the early paragraphs of an excellent article - 
Ann Doss Helms, simply describes the problem and suggests how it expresses itself, robbing children of their childhood. She says some children have been 'parentified' or "forced into adult roles too early. And... can expect to bear emotional scars in adulthood.."
Much of her comments come from Professor Robinson, who helps us to see where the problem starts when he says that more incidence of this problem are seen today in, "outwardly successful families with parents who are absorbed in work, stress... or just plain afraid to say no to their kids."  Robinson suggests that parents have become distracted from their role of parenting by becoming preoccupied by work, stress, and fear. I think he is right. 
Charlotte Mason in her book School Education, also writes about this  problem and then goes on to give help. She says that when parents shift their responsibilities or anxieties onto children, they 'oppress' them. The burden of caring for and raising our children, she says, "must be borne by the parents alone."
Both Charlotte and Ann identify the same two examples of parentification ~
 1. When a child is looked on as a 3rd parent due to the work load of household jobs or expectations to raise younger siblings. I am an advocate of parents training their children to have household jobs and responsibilities and leadership in the family and have written many post on this. But the point here is that teenage children and even those in their twenties, if they still live at home, are not parents of the younger children of the family. They are adults or becoming adults, and are not parents at all. The responsibilities of parenting must be carried by parents alone. 
 2. Another way parents shift their responsibilities onto children, is when they discuss parental issues or concerns with their children. 'Running a parent idea past them', or just speaking about issues in their hearing, can involve them in a parents' domain. I know I often do this - sharing my worries about stretching the finances when minimal grocery shopping with them, or explaining why a child has to keep wearing the shoes with holes in the soles. I divulge more than I need and in doing so I cross that line that Bryan Robinson talks of. A recent result of this sort of happening was that my son said he didn't need birthday presents for his birthday last month, then he offered to pay for the milk I bought at the dairy. I had crossed that line. There is of course is a subtle path to tread in this area as I want my kids to be money-wise and care for property. But the fact remains they are not parents and I am not to tax their thinking by involving them to try to problem-solve our family financial situation. They are children and I am the parent.
Charlotte Mason ends this section about parents alone carrying the burden of raising their children, with the picture of what we are to do - "But let them bear it with easy grace and an erect carriage, as the Spanish peasant bears her water-jar." What is that? As this section follows the section I wrote on last week, I think it is connected to the points there - THE POWER OF SUNSHINE AND SHOWERS.
The three words that Bryan Robinson gives - the preoccupyers which take our attention away from our correct role of parenting - work, stress and fear, definitely need our attention. We are parents whether we chose to be or not. Choosing to be preoccupied with work at the expense of raising our children needs to be examined. 
Managing parental stress also needs to be sorted with help from the abundance of books available on the subject, or may be a choice of reorienting your perspective on life, family and pursuits. 
Fear of our children is a wrong mindset. For help, read THE POWER OF SUNSHINE AND SHOWERS 
The photo at the top is not of Spanish women but these women are strong, even elegant, and were possibly shouldering their responsibilities "with easy grace and an erect carriage". They must have lived with stresses, not like ours, but I'm sure they were genuine stresses. In their culture and time in history they knew what is was to work very hard and were not "afraid to say no to their kids." 
It can be done - many parents have lived in their families "carrying their own water jars" and being parents and letting their children be children.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ have a chat with a friend or your partner about this and be honest about what needs changing in your situation. You kids need you to be the parent so they can be children. 
Cathy

PICTURES FOR PARENTS - PART 4 "THE POWER OF SUNSHINE AND SHOWERS - Parents Need Self Confidence"

This is the fourth post in the series PICTURES FOR PARENTS - "The Power of Sunshine and Showers - Parents Need Self Confidence."
Once again Charlotte Mason has triggered the picture and much of the sentiment of this post. 
"Self Confidence.... Parents should trust themselves more. .. The mere...fact of the parental relationship and of that authority which belongs to it, by right and by nature, acts upon the children as do sunshine and showers on a seed in good soil." SCHOOL EDUCATION :Charlotte Mason p 29.
"If a parent's goal is to raise his or her children into responsible adults-not just to make kids happy-it's essential to have a plan. But many moms and dads find themselves making it up as they go along, with little consistency or purpose." http://www.cbn.com/family/parenting/Burns_ConfidentParenting.aspx
"The mother [or father] often enough looses her hold over her children because they detect in the tone of her voice that she does not expect them to obey her...she doesn't think enough of her position; has not sufficient confidence in her own authority." HOME EDUCATION;Charlotte Mason p 162 - 163.
If a small seed is planted in good soil and given sunshine and rain, most people would agree that it will grow into a healthy plant. In fact most people would be confident in this fact. 
Sadly many people today do not hold this same confidence in the role of parents. Many parents themselves don't know who they are, are not clear on what they are meant to do, let alone how to do it. This problem begins with a doubt in the position that parents have, and the authority that goes with that role. This confused picture of authority is not restricted to parenting alone, but is effecting many areas of our society today.
The media certainly has not helped parents in this area, with its disconnected 'parent help' articles and information, which may give a momentary idea, but miss the starting, essential ingredient and belief that parents need - PARENTS HAVE AUTHORITY - They are authorised to parent, they have a position, a function, which they have not earned through their own personal abilities, but have been given. Their authority is in their 'office' (just as it is for Queen Elizabeth), not in them personally as people. If we view parental authority as something that comes from personal skills, we move into disastrous territory where parenting is based on our own opinions and inconsistencies alone. If you know the history of the kings and queens of any nation, you will recognise this fact as true, with some disastrous royal reigns due to autocratic or self preoccupied rulers.
In her book A Philosophy of Education, Charlotte Mason discusses the confused mindset of some, that authority brings tyranny, resulting in children living like slaves. Holding the opposite view, she says that without authority freedom can not exist. She describes the 'behaviour' of authority as neither "harsh nor indulgent", it is gentle and fully approachable on issues that are unimportant, but unalterable on matters of real importance which are fixed and permanent. These include things such as, children must eat healthy food, be respectful, do the jobs that are theirs. 
Charlotte agrees that parents can be wrong, and in such cases must apologies to their children. Parents must know when to take advice, knowing their role exists for the good of their children. We need a "quick and tender open-minded sympathy which enables us to see their side of every question as well as our own." School Education: Charlotte Mason p18. These, says Charlotte, are qualities which come from authority.
This is a picture of ordered life and ordered freedom.
"It is necessary that we should all follow an ordered course, and children, even infant children, must begin in the way in which they will have to go on." A Philosophy of Education : Charlotte Mason p 70.
Both parents and children are working towards the same goal - of children growing up, maturing, becoming adults and gaining independence.
But there's another interesting facet - authority is also in-built into children. It is only as parents make opportunities for children to "free-play" with their authority, that they will be properly prepared for adult life and its responsibilities.
SO much to think about here, and draw out into personal application!
This is why I am working at putting together a business where I can meet with parents one-on-one to discuss topics such as this, and assist parents to think through how it applies to their family, helping plan strategies to action it at home.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ You don't need to 'put on a face' of authority. Read through this post or the 3 beginning quotes, each day for a week, to help change your mindset of who you are as a parent.
Cathy.

PICTURES FOR PARENTS PART 3 : "LIVING IN THE KINGDOM OF SILK - Parents need to be Tender-Hearted like Nell Silk"

"And Nell lived with them all looked after them and loved them all even though she wasn't related to them by birth, only by heart." ALL THE COLOURS OF PARADISE:Glenda Millard, p 48.
"Nell grandmothers the Silks, tells them true things she has learnt over her many years of living. She is old and wise and perhaps a little magic, as many grandmothers are. Nell says Grandmother magic is left over from childhood; that we all are born with magic in us but many of us forget about it when we are grown up. Nell is loved and listened to." PLUM PUDDINGS AND PAPER MOONS: Glenda Millard, p 3.
"Almost all the recipes pasted into Nell's spiral-bound cookery book with flour-and-water glue were hand-me-downs. Most had been hand written by the people who gave them to Nell. Often the writing was faded and the paper yellowed. Nell thought of these recipes as pieces of other people's lives, given away like slices of Armenian Love Cake with a cup of tea. .... Tiny treasures to keep forever. Nell knew most of them by heart, but she sometimes read her recipe book the way other people might read a novel. Sometimes she laughed as she read. Sometimes she cried. "PLUM PUDDINGS AND PAPER MOONS: Glenda Millard, p 30-31.
"Nell's heart was gently squeezed and she wished everyone was as lucky as she was and could eat (Christmas) pudding with people they loved." PLUM PUDDINGS AND PAPER MOONS:Glenda Millard, p43.
"Later, when Nell was resting amongst the feathery hills and downy valleys of her eiderdown, Scarlet crept into her bedroom and slid between the sheets. Nell's arms went around her the way they had so many times before. Scarlet stared out the window where stars pricked holes in the darkness like tiny promises of brighter tomorrows and she wondered how to explain the things she felt inside. .... But many unsayable things have been said because of eiderdowns and a grandmother's arms. 'I'm so sorry I was mean tonight, Nell,' whispered Scarlet. .... 'You're forgiven for shouting,' said Nell, 'but you don't have to apologise for disagreeing with someone or something." PLUM PUDDINGS AND PAPER MOONS:Glenda Millard, p58-59.
"The following morning Scarlet lay on the old red couch by the verandah steps. .... A pair of Nell's old spectacles with rhinestone-studded purple frames was perched on the end of her nose. Scarlet was wearing them to try to understand the world wisely, the way Nell did." PLUM PUDDINGS AND PAPER MOONS:Glenda Millard, p 62-63.
"Not many people expect the world's leading authority on tender moments to be a small white-haired woman who doesn't drive a car or know how to operate a computer and who has no ambition to learn how to. Nell Silk never attended a university because they do not offer courses in subjects such as the observation of tender moments. There is no technology, no textbook, no diagram or formula with clear instruction on how to identify and preserve them, pressed like forget-me-nots, between the pages of one's life. It is a hand-me-down skill usually passed on by wise and wonderful grand people to their children and grandchildren." THE TENDER MOMENTS OF SAFFRON SILK:Glenda Millard, p 11-13.
This is the third post in the series PICTURE FOR PARENTS ~ "Living in the Kingdom of Silk - Parents need to be tender-hearted, like Nell Silk.
WHO IS Nell Silk?? you ask. She is one of the characters in a series of books written by Australian author Glenda Millard.
The Naming of Tishkin Silk  (not in photo as it's lent out)
Layla Queen of Hearts
Perry Angel's Suitcase
All the Colours of Paradise
Plum Puddings and Paper Moons
The Tender Moments of Saffron Silk   Published by ABC Books.

The first three books have won book awards and my guess is the others will in time. Over Easter I continued reading the series which is like a heart-holiday or reviver, written for people of all ages. I highly recommend them.
The point or picture I want to 'paint' in this post, comes again from Charlotte Mason's book "School Education". It is about parents being  Warm-Hearted, having a disposition that inspires and invigorates others, of warmth, heart-felt friendliness, openness in an honourable straightforward manner, not trifling but persistent in a passionate desire to see a cause outside one's self, advance and develop. 
Nell Silk in the Silk Kingdom books, is a true 'fit' with the above description. Yes the books are fiction and the characters are made up, but the stories, the conversations, the tough life situations, the oddities that come into one's life, are all so familiar to 'normal' life. The courses of action, methods of working with the difficulties, and conclusions in the books, set one's thoughts moving in our own set of circumstances. The real reason I want to encourage you to read these books is to be "inspired", "invigorated", to be challenged out of our comfortable adult minds, and to see things as children do. 
Charlotte Mason gives this character trait the title of "The Element of Good Humour" and says it "is the outcome of strength", the opposite of "overmuch complacency, and a general giving-in to all the children's whims." which she states is an outcome of parental weakness. Charlotte adds that children are quick to see the difference. Strength breeds being "loved and listened to", while weakness "produces a restless desire (in children) to gain some other easy victory" over their parents.
The 'picture' given in this post, is another positive example of where to head as a parent. In a world where women's media especially, cuts ties of security in womanhood and parenting, with their ever changing perspective of what parenting is truly about, this series of books gives a cheerful and refreshing mind-sensation to the reader/parent.
I enjoyed Glenda Millard's description of Nell Silk being "the world's leading authority on tender moments", drawing attention to the fact that the skill of Warm-Heartedness, Heart-Felt Friendliness, being Honourable in a Straightforward Manner or possessing the Element of Good Humour, is  "pressed like forget-me-nots, between the pages of one's life." This is not to say that if you missed it in your own up-bringing, you can never pick it up - definitely not. You just have to read, talk to, watch and be a part of families who live like those in the Kingdom of Silk.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ start reading these books with your children.
Cathy