"CLOTHING CHILDREN : BESSI'S STYLE"

Our photo demonstrates the laid back approach to clothes in our house, pjs and bare feet are the Graham family staples! I might draw your attention to the fact that Zebi is sporting hot pink finger nails and toe nails like his mother though so we are a little trendy!!!

Via the answers to five questions Bessi Graham kindly gives her view on Clothing Children.
1. As a woman and a mum you fill a variety of roles everyday. Can you describe some of those roles?

I am a wife and mother as well as a person building a business in a new emerging sector which is massively demanding and carries with it challenge and opportunity! 

Because of the way we want to raise our kids my husband and I have chosen to swap roles - meaning he is what would traditionally be the "female role" of "primary caregiver". 

We knew to do my job well I needed to be focused and that meant Brad needing to be at home more and able to be the main person holding our family together. This has meant that I no longer cook, do the food shop or the washing! When I say we've swapped I really mean it! 

The question of roles interests me because our experience over the last few years has shown us that so many stereotypes about "sex" are actually more to do with "role". When you swap roles many of the male/female stereotypes that applied to the opposite sex suddenly start to be things you experience... Fascinating, but a conversation for another blog!!!

2. Who is in your family?

I consider my family to be my husband Brad, my step daughter and my two sons. They're my favourite people in the world!

3. What is important to you about the clothes your children wear? Does your philosophy, approach to life or ethical choices affect your children's clothing?

I probably have the daggiest children around and I LOVE that! I dress my kids for comfort and practicality. My favourite kids clothes are hand-me-downs, I love free things! My kids spend more time in their pajamas (or naked!) than anything else. I let them wear pajamas in public, bare feet in public, it really doesn't phase me. 

My kids are gorgeous and loved, and they know that. Their clothes are simply practical, nothing more. 

Of course if we were going to a special event I'd make sure they looked smart but I'd still never buy them expensive clothes or dress them up for every day life. 

With my step daughter, who is a teenager, it is slightly different. Two reasons: one, she's a girl so there is an added layer of wanting to help her to learn how to be confident in her skin and how to dress for her body shape, her own style and colouring. Secondly, she's older so teaching her the wonderful art of learning that a bit of modesty, and leaving something for the imagination, is much more tasteful and appealing that being trashy is important to me. Even with her though she has never placed a great deal of importance on clothes and we've certainly never spent a stack of cash on clothes for her. I'd rather her have a small wardrobe of clothes that suit her, fit her well and make her feel good than heaps of ill-fitting, unflattering, cheap clothes. 

4. How do you approach the following factors when making decisions in clothing your children? * when to replace clothing   * where you go to find or buy clothes   * how much money to spend   * issues to checkout while choosing their clothes   * what the child wants and like   * your own personal taste   * any other factors.

I don't replace clothes for my kids until they are completely RUINED! Most of their clothes were hand me downs, then get worn by both of them and then get passed on to my cousins son!

When I do need to buy them clothes it tends to be for my oldest son (if we don't have enough hand me downs in the next size up!). I wait for sales and then I buy 3x short sleeve t-shirts, 3x long-sleeve t-shirts, 2x jumpers, 3x shorts, 3x long pants (usually at least two of these are track suit pants for comforts sake), underwear and socks. I have never spent more than $200-$250 on all of the items listed above that they need in one size. When I have done that I then pass the clothes down to my next son and then on to my cousins son so pretty good value I'm sure they'll get passed on again after that too!

If the kids are particularly interested in a certain toy, character or theme I've bought them a t-shirt or pajamas featuring that favourite thing but because that's "special" we give them that as a birthday or Christmas present. I do take their colouring into consideration when I buy clothes too I must admit! Luckily for me both boys have the same colouring which helps!

5. From your experience, what tips would you give a mum grappling with clothing her children?

I'd simply say think practically and let them be kids. They'll have plenty of time to be sophisticated and dashing (if they want to be) when they're an adult. If you buy flash, expensive clothes you'll end up stifling their play because you'll be more concerned with them ripping their pants or staining their shirt... That's just unnecessary stress in my mind. 

I consider one of my main jobs as a parent as teaching our kids the art of "time and place". There is a time and place for most things in life and the ability to make wise judgements about that is what they need to learn. Clothes are a bit the same, time and place need to be taken into account. 

In our family home is a place for pajamas and chilling out and that's just the way we like it. 

"CLOTHING CHILDREN : There's More to it Than Just Putting Fabric on Their Back"

"Kids definitely know how to have fun. So it makes sense they would understand fashion in its purest form:as a place to escape, let your imagination run wild and totally express yourself. ... when it comes to the business of getting dressed, I've found that my kids already get it.
They constantly remind me about the essence of style:that it's not trendy looks or fancy labels that matter, but how much fun you can have expressing yourself."
Cynthia Nellis. What Kids Teach us About Style. http://fashion.about.com/cs/kidstrends/a/kidsteachabout.htm 
Cynthia Nellis talks about children expressing themselves through the clothing they wear. This is one of a number of considerations that we need to keep in mind as we clothe our children. 
Have a look at these 7 points to do with clothing your children ~
1. Occupation. 
What is your child going to be doing 80% of their time? 
If they are a newborn they sleep, so 80% of their wardrobe needs to be clothes to sleep in. This means that twenty satin, lace-covered, heavily embroidered dresses no matter how exquisite, will not get much wear.
If your child spends 80% of their time digging holes in the dirt, hanging upside down from the swing, climbing five metre trees and playing rough and tumble, they won't survive well on a wardrobe essentially of skinny jeans or mini skirts with skin-tight crop tops.
- Think about what your child does and what clothes will help them in those 'doings'. -
2. Climate.
Years ago my husband took our three eldest for a few days to the snow so they could learn to ski. The ski instructor complimented my husband on how well our kids were dressed for the snow, and then he went on, "You wouldn't believe the number of parents who come to ski all snug and warm in their ski gear while their kids barely have enough on to keep warm."
- Think about where you plan to holiday and if necessary borrow clothing or buy second hand so they have what's required for the conditions. -
3. Feeling.
Feeling or comfort considers things like -
  * has the child grown lately and therefore need the next size up in shoes or clothes?
  * does a certain fabric irritate their skin? One of our children found 'clingy' fabrics uncomfortable to wear.
  * are some clothing designs more troublesome than others? Some kids hate belts of waisted clothes. Very thin children look out of proportion in baggy tops.
  * for little children, check bulky winter jackets don't restrict their arm movement.
4. Durable. (from Nancy)
When buying clothes that are durable quality is important. Better quantity items may cost a little more initially, but work out cheaper in the long run as the item lasts longer and doesn't fall apart. I also look to purchase items that don't date - popular characters or licensed merchandise could be hugely popular one year but out of favour by the next year, not to mention they are often more expensive to begin with. I prefer to stick with colours and patterns that are easy to work with, that can be matched with many options.
5. Share. (from Viv)
One of the great things about a large family is that the children learn to share everything from food to toys, time, ideas and even clothes. Apart from being a great way to save money when it comes to clothing 7 children, this has been a lovely aspect especially among our 5 girls, who  as they have entered teenage years, have all got used to lending out and being willing to share each other's clothes. There are drawbacks of course, such as an item not being returned as clean as it was, or worse still being ruined, or not returned at all! But these are little things compared to the benefits of sharing. Firstly they see their clothes being worn in a new and interesting way, with different colour co-ordination and combinations, they learn to understand their own physique, what suits them and what doesn't and to be gracious enough to admit that it may even suit others better. They learn to respect one another and have consideration for one another and it also teaches them to not hold on too dearly to possessions which are only after all things which moth and rust destroy.
6. Economy. (from Nancy)
I have a box for each of my kid's clothes. What one child has outgrown will go into the box for the next sibling down. This allows me to plan in advance as I can see what essential items are missing from a child's wardrobe. With my list, I take advantage of sales to stock up mid season for this year. End of season clearance is a great time to purchase items needed for next year. This ensures my money stretches further, and I don't end up impulse buying while out shopping. If you don't mind pre-loved items, quality labels are often good as new after being worn by one child for a season, and can be picked up for a fraction of the original cost either at secondhand, op shops or online sites.
7. Unique.
Each child is unique and what they wear should reflect their uniqueness. As Cynthia Nellis in the introduction quote, said, children can express themselves through the clothing they wear. From a young age let them have a say in how to dress, for example a 2year old can easily choose their shoes or socks. By 5, they can make choices of combinations they like to wear together. By 10 they definitely have preferences in types of shoes, clothes and accessories they enjoy wearing. Letting them practice develops taste and helps them feel confident in making choices as they find the style of clothes that reflects them. I think this is important, in an age where the fashion industry even with children, can so easily dictate what should be worn.
THISWEEK ~ To help you keep the 7 points in your head, by rearranging them they form an acrostic -
F  Feeling
O  Occupation
C  Climate
U  Unique
S  Share
E  Economy
D  Durable

Cathy

"CLOTHING CHILDREN - Part 1 - Your Childhood Memories + A Brief History of Children's Clothing"

This is the first post on a series "CLOTHING CHILDREN".
Do you have difficulties in finding, choosing or buying clothing for your children? If so, hopefully the posts over the next few weeks will give you some helpful and practical ideas. 
YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

My memories of childhood clothes were of the excitement of going to Save Mart!! My clothes always seemed to be comfort driven and no matter what they were, they were always too hot. I hated singlets and any kind of button front shirt, but I also have the fondest memories of a second hand Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs hoodie which I LOVED!!! I had no idea who the team was, I just knew it was cool. R.

My little red short sleeve summer shirt with different coloured yachts all over it. All our winter clothing was made of wool which meant we sometimes smelt as mothers didn't wash every day. S.

Handmade, a lot of my clothes were handmade by my mum, nana and aunts.

All my girl cousins and I would have the same outfits in different colours or prints. We loved it – we were all “twins”. M.

Horrible, ugly leather sandals in summer – not of my fashion taste. Wearing matching clothes with my older brother. Z.

Having 3 older sisters hand-me-downs. However I got used to it pretty fast. Chopping up and changing garments became normal. I think having started out young with clothing in this way has made me more grateful for the brand new garments that I can now buy on my own. B.

What are your memories of the clothes you wore as a child?

A BRIEF HISTORY OF CHILDREN'S CLOTHING

Before the 1800's in most cultures of the world, children either wore miniature versions of adult clothing or nothing at all. The slow change that occurred through the nineteenth century in child fashion, was a consequence of attitude-change about children in general, thanks to many wonderful reformers across the world. 

In the early 1800's western boys and girls were dressed in gowns with a fitted bodice, a shorter version of women's fashion at the time.

A departure from traditional white and black clothes to the subtle introduction of alternative colours and even pattern fabrics, began in the mid 1800's.

At the same time child footwear design and decoration showed more child interest. 

The 1920's and 30's saw change in the design of child clothing itself with it became increasingly more casual by the 1950's. This was partially due to the introduction of synthetic fabrics but also fabric design had become more cheerful.

Jeans finally infiltrated child fashion in the 1960's along with elasticised skirts.

The explosion of the child fashion industry started in the 1970's with fun and special event wear, and the new emphasis on unique and individual design for children.

A return to more standard and simple design with the evolution of the Tee shirt, was welcomed by those who did the laundry as it removed their task of ironing. 

A mixture of casualness and exotic fizz to the full extremes has been and continues to be the picture of child fashion right through to today. Anything goes!

THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ show your kids photos of you or your parents, even great grandparents in their childhood clothing and have a big laugh together.

Cathy.

"CHOOSING TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE"

                                         BETHANY HAMILTON
"Responsible people accept control over their own emotions, and thus their happiness. They choose positive attitudes like cheerfulness, enthusiasm and generosity. ...everyone has the power to choose between positive and negative attitudes and to make positive and negative choices. ...Bad things do happen, but the happiest and most successful people in life learn to put tragedies, failures and hurt feelings behind them." www.parenting.org RESPONSIBILITY Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV. Boys Town Press. 
Bethany Hamilton is a successful person, despite the tragedies, failures and hurts she has encountered in her life. You may like to read her autobiography or watch the movie of her story - "Soul Surfer".
The quote above is part of an article that presents 12 points children need to be taught by parents so they will become responsible individuals. Here is another excerpt from the introduction.
"One of the most important character traits a parent can install in his or her child is responsibility. Responsibility is marked by how well we make choices in life and how we deal with the results. Responsible people purposefully choose their attitudes, words and actions, and accept responsibility for the consequences of their choices. Responsibility is a complex virtue, requiring much time, patience and practice to acquire. ...responsibility is a key element in leading a happy and productive adult life..."
One of the 12 concepts Parenting.org presents in their article is CHOOSING POSITIVE ATTITUDES. They give several great bullet points, three of which I want to elaborate on.
1. FEELINGS FUEL ATTITUDES ~ 
I know this to be true. Days when I feel strong, courageous and loving, I am forgiving, kind and generous in my thoughts and attitude to awkward, unfair and difficult situations. Days when I am fearful, anxious, panicky or full of sorrow, leave me with very different attitudes when living in difficulties. My feelings drive my attitude. 
Children are even more ruled by their feelings because of their immaturity.
2. CHOOSING TO CHANGE OUR PERSPECTIVE ~
Immediately an unexpected trouble occurs we naturally respond by getting angry, feeling sad or thinking everything is hopeless. But after some space or time to think things through, we can choose to change our perspective or attitude. Some people call this process reflection or contemplating the situation. 
Even children can learn this process, and they depend on parents to show them, lead and teach them how this is done.
Charlotte Mason in here book Home Education, says, "The child is born doubtless, with the tendencies which should shape their future; but every tendency has its branch roads, its good and evil outcome; and to put the child on the right track for the fulfilment of the possibilities inherent in him, is the vocation of the parent." p.109.
Or again, "Let her (meaning the parent) change the child's thoughts before even the bad temper has had time to develop into conscious feelings, much less act: take them out of doors, send them to fetch or carry, tell them or show them something interesting, - in a word, give them something else to think about; but all in a natural way, and without letting the child perceive that they are being treated..." p.167.
3. NEGATIVE ATTITUDES AFFECT OUR PERCEPTION OF FACTS AND OTHERS' INTENTIONS ~
Suspicion, mistrust, one's condescending view of others, one's low view of self, fear or anxiety, can all affect the receiving of facts or the study of others' intentions and motives, resulting in a faulty and inaccurate evaluation of a situation. This is a profound point. So many people are living inconsequential or stalled lives simply because their evaluations of life happenings around them, is faulty due to their negative attitudes. This is not a criticism.
  *  the young professional man who won't allow his workmate to get too close, fearing that it may jeopardise his future career.
  *  the teenage girl who dropped out of school and won't apply for any job because she's convinced she would be turned down.
  *  the office worker who won't accept the help of a colleague, believing they only want to out-do them and show them to be incompetent. 
  *  the man who always proudly talks up the achievements of his own children, believes the neighbour's son has pulled strings to be awarded Master Chief New Zealand.
  * the woman who permanently lives in dishevelment in all areas of her life, thinking she can't get organised as she wouldn't be able to maintain that orderliness afterwards.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ "... and in the early days, when a child's face is an open book to their parents, the habit of sweet thoughts must be kept up, and every selfish, resentful, unamiable movement of children's minds observed in the countenance must be changed before consciousness sets in." Charlotte Mason School Education. p.136.
AGAIN THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO TALK ABOUT HERE - THIS IS WHY I AM WORKING ON SETTING UP MY BUSINESS TO MEET PARENTS ONE-ON-ONE AND DISCUSS ISSUES SO THEY HAVE A PLAN TO WORK WITH IN THEIR FAMILY.
Cathy

"WHY CAN'T I SLEEP?"

nhsstaywell.org

"Having trouble sleeping? Check for a glow, inches from the pillow.
Using a smartphone, tablet or laptop at bedtime may be staving off sleep, according to Harvard Medical School scientists, who have found specific wavelengths of light can suppress the slumber-inducing hormone melatonin in the brain. 
... The Australian New Zealand Journal of Public Health says roughly one in four Kiwis suffer from a chronic sleep problem leading to compromised alertness, reaction time, efficiency, productivity and mood, according to Australia's Sleep Health Foundation. 
...'Sleep is in a battle for our time with work life, social life and family life,' said sleep specialist David Hillman, who is chairman of the Sleep Health Foundation. 'For a lot of us, it comes a poor fourth in that battle.'"
JASON GALE : TECH IN BED? YOU'LL NEVER DROP OFFLINE. Gadgets and gizmos ruin any chance of a good night's rest.  Sunday Star Times. Focus Health.  February 2. 2014.  p. A12.
The 4am phone call from India this morning in our house, was a sleep waker for me. I verbally fumbled through a brisk conversation with the heavily accented man, telling him that we were all asleep and he needed to phone back in four hours. This happens at times at our place. Even though I then went to the toilet and had a sip of water before I climbed back into bed, it still took ages to drift off again. When my phone alarm went off two hours later I woke with the affects of an interrupted night's sleep. But Jason Gale's article suggests that it is not phone calls alone that destroy the possibility of a 'good night's sleep'!
We all know that parents need sufficient sleep to be able to think straight, make well informed decisions, be positive role models, love and care for their family and be the type of parent they wish to be.
We all know that parents are time-poor people and that the last paragraph in the quote above is completely true.
What we don't know, is how to prevent becoming mummies who have lost their memory or zombie-faced fathers, because we have few ideas about what needs to change in our lives in the sleep department.
In this post I want to firstly list some effects of sleep deprivation, and secondly comment on some habits, that if changed, could assist parents to get the sleep they need and become better people in innumerable ways. Jason Gale's terrific article fuelled virtually all that follows.
SOME EFFECTS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION ~
   LESS SLEEP  =  insufficient time for our body to daily rest and recover.
                        =  "compromised alertness"
                        =  "compromised reaction time"
                        =  "compromised efficiency"
                        =  "compromised productivity"
                        =  "compromised mood"
                        =  increased likelihood of accidents and injuries.
                        =  "association with obesity"
                        =  "association with diabetes"
                        =  "association with heart disease"
                        =  "association with cancer"
SOME HABITS, THAT IF CHANGED, COULD ASSIST PARENTS TO GET THE SLEEP THEY NEED ~ 
  + Don't use a computer, laptop or tablet in the hour leading up to going to sleep - PROOF SOURCE - The United States National Sleep Foundation's, International Bedroom Poll 2013. 
  + Don't watch television the hour before going to sleep - PROOF SOURCE - The United States National Sleep Foundation's, International Bedroom Poll 2013.
  + Don't have a computer, laptop, tablet or television in the bedroom - PROOF SOURCE - Sleep researcher, Sarah Loughran, University of Woolongong, Australia.
  + Don't look at phone screens or artificial light late at night - PROOF SOURCE - Charles Czeisler, Professor of Sleep Medicine, Harvard Medical  School.
  + Don't choose LED lighting at home, rather use "yellow-based lighting in the evening" - PROOF SOURCE - Charles Czeisler, Professor of Sleep Medicine, Harvard Medical School.
  + Don't just turn off house lights all at once at the end of the night, rather "gradually lower" or dim them. - PROOF SOURCE - Charles Czeisler, Professor of Sleep Medicine, Harvard Medical School.
  + If computers MUST be used at night, reduce "the screen's blue wavelength light." - PROOF SOURCE - Charles Czeisler, Professor of Sleep Medicine, Harvard Medical School. You can download Michael Herf's free software program, "f.lux", which "automatically alters the intensity and spectrum of light emitted by the display according to the time of day."
Dr Charles Czeisler of the Harvard Medical School has been involved in sleep research for over 40 years and "has written about 200 scientific papers and review articles on the subject.", so he is worth listening to.
THISWEEK~
Maybe it is worth digging out the old alarm clock once again, for the purpose of getting a good night's sleep and waking up on time.
Cathy
PS. On another subject - for those who knew we were away travelling in Italy, we had a GREAT time! So many beautiful places, surprising conversations, a mind-full of memories, and a lot of photos to deal with now. But it is very good to be home.

THOUGHTS FROM ITALY - Vicenza

This week we have been based in Vicenza. As well as roaming around this beautiful city with its spectacular 1500s theatre, palaces, Palladioa architecture and kind lovely people, we have visited Verona, Padova, Venice and a beautiful snowy mountain village - Asiago.
Being winter it gets dark early, but between 6 - 8pm it is usual to see people out and about - families with baby in the stroller, children, young people, parents and grandparents. They are out chatting, walking, meeting on the street or in a cafe or bar.
Observations:
1. They are together - not racing around in a car - rather they are walking and leisurely talking with each other.
2. Some meet up with friends of their own age - such as the group of 6 women in their 60s I watched last night in a bar in Asiago in the northern Italian mountains. They laughed as they munched their chips while they drank their wine..., watched people but were more interested in catching up with each other and greeting the locals that came in.  - some young people and adults meet in cafe bars talk and drink. The younger ones had phones which they spend some time on but the prioity for them is clearly to be together and talk.
3. The regular pattern however is a 30 minute meet up of grandparents, parents and children. If a baby is present there are lots of "ooh"s and "Ahhh"s, kisses and baby watching in silence, along with happy laughter.
THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ how are you going spending casual time with your extended family or with friends? Are you giving leisure time to listen, chat, laugh together and then do you leave with smiles on your faces?
Cathy

THOUGHTS FROM ITALY

For the next couple of months I'm in Italy and will be working off my phone so I hope to simply put up thoughts to do with parenting as we move around. 
We started our fantastic 10 weeks in Italy in Milan. I would love to have put up a photo of the Duomo in the rain which is how we saw it, but I can't get my images onto my blog- Ill hopefully work it out.
In the early evening in Milan there is a television program each night which 3 adults host. It seems to have a regular group of children who form a choir - excellent standard - and a guest child performer. We could not understand what was said or sung but there was voting and scores given on each performance by a group of children. The atmosphere was extremely loving and positive, not artificial in any way. Both the material the children sang and their presentation was completely appropriate for children - there was no hint of children attempting to present themselves as adults or teenagers - they happily were children.
We kept thinking such a program would never be put on television at home, in New Zealand, and certainly never in a early evening, family, major viewing time slot. 
LESSONS to think about -
1. Children need to see examples of children happily being children.
2. Children need to see public examples of adults commending and responding lovingly to children.
3. Our society needs to honour childhood by putting positive models of it in public places, such as major viewing times on television.
THISWEEKWITHKIDS- have a search for a normal public presentation of childhood and enjoy listening or watching it as a family. 
Cathy