PARENTING THROUGH EARTHQUAKES WEEK 44 QUOTE 44

This post is the fifth in the series on "PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES".


"The normal ebb and flow of day to day family life for Christchurch families has been challenged to some degree either directly or indirectly following the Canterbury earthquakes. Furthermore, living with ongoing predictions of future shakes to come only adds to the fragility of our anxiety and emotions.
Thankfully for us our house has remained relatively unscathed bar a few cracks in the interior roof (which have since been repaired) and a few wobbly floor piles. We are so grateful our family has remained safe, warm and dry, with only power and water supply cut for several days during repairs of unstable power lines down the road.
However, what does not remain unscathed is our emotional wellbeing. Like every other Cantabrian, we all feel a sense of vulnerability. We live day by day continually struggling to push to our sub conscience the threat of yet another statistically predicted 'big' earthquake. The daily aftershocks make a frequent unwelcome reminder, unsettling our minds, interrupting sleep, even invoking physiological responses to the stress and anxiety (for example, palpitations). People are being worn down. often with outbursts of tears and panic. It has been evident in my primary health care profession, the rise in depression and other anxiety related health problems. Each aftershock is like an emotional roller coaster between terror and relief. As I sit here and write this I have be jolted aggressively twice.
In my own home it has become evident my children are easily disturbed at night to any noise. They are overly "jumpy" to any little shaking and repeatedly express concern about our family's safety. We imagine earthquakes even when there are none!
During day-time activities environmental safety concerns are on the top of everyone's mind. We also avoid unnecessary entry to some buildings and avoid parking the car in a "fall zone" of a wall or building. Like most people, I consciously scan for signs of previous damage in any building I enter and note exits for a quick escape if needed. I also feel anxious when I work on the ambulance and are transporting patients to the city hospital because of the cities oppressive feeling and appearance of a demolition site. In contrast I sense a relief when I am back in the safety of the open country road. The fears may or may not be rational, but rational thinking has no place with the surprise and suddenness of earthquakes.
As a family we are also now more diligent about knowing the activities and whereabouts of each other during the day. This is hoped to potentially reduce unnecessary worry should communication networks fail again. I am aware of an increasing separation anxiety during the day when aftershocks occur. Everyone values the security of human company at all times. Many people are developing phobias about being alone, particularly the elderly. In a strange way I am thankful my husband's office is inaccessible (in the "Red Zone") which has forced him to work at home indefinitely. The family all feel he is much safer not venturing into the city.
The earthquakes impact on our daily life in many ways. Like many families we are generally more content to stay in our own geographical area rather than venture to the city centre for leisure activities or shopping. We choose to avoid busy built up areas and Christchurch city has lost its central hub and aesthetic attraction and therefore has little appeal. 
Thankfully our local town has street entry shops that are single level and easy to run out from. The one time we went to the local movie theatre, it was surprising how vulnerable I felt, making the experience less enjoyable. Sport activities have been interrupted due to damage to fields.Everyday in so many ways we are reminded by the flow on damage effects. 
I feel people have a renewed sense of appreciation for quality family time and simple activities at home. There is a resurgence of home hospitality as an expression of valued friendships and giving support. Times like this strengthen our sense of community and sharing.
Our children are living through a remarkable time in history. One they will share in stories for the remainder of their lives. They are alert and knowledgeable about the cause and effects of earthquakes both geographically and how it affects society. They also appreciate how imperative it is to have a safety plan and be prepared with a disaster kit. Like us they are careful to go to bed each night with clothing and footwear ready to grab in case we need to run outside in the cold frosty Canterbury air. We routinely check torches have charged batteries, gas bottles are full, water is stored in the freezer and canned food and matches are available. One thing we did discover was our dependence on power for the TV and internet broadcasts in emergencies. A battery radio may be a valuable asset to acquire.
On reflection the days immediately following the first and second earthquakes were special family bonding times. In some ways it was like a wake, with an air of sobriety filling the house. It was a time where we were inherently aware of our appreciation of one another. Sharing memories of the past.
It was a time to forget trivial day to day irritations and focus on being an integral member of the family team, pulling together to cook, bake and collect water for people in need that we then delivered to the "Earthquake Express Helicopter" to be delivered to the worst hit locations. 
We also had the privilege to serve others by accommodating out of town trades people (welders) who had the task of fixing the fuel pipeline from Littleton to the city over the Port Hills. Very little accommodation with water, power and septic services were available. The long drive between Littleton and Rangiore after each long day of hard labour on steep hills was welcomed by a warm bed, hot shower, hot meal, packed lunches and TV. A luxury many others did not have.
These earthquakes are a sobering experience for each Cantabrian. A time when our existence is threatened day by day by the earth we stand on as it shakes repeatedly. To some it is the loss of monetary assets they have spent years accumulating and cherishing as a form of security and personal self worth. Others have lost loved ones and have been forced into inexplicable grief. Everyone, even those not directly affected by tragedy and loss seem to be reflecting their spiritual beliefs or where they are situated on their spiritual journey and purpose in life.
I think there is a need to remain philosophical about life. It is futile to worry about aspects of our future we cannot control. We need to live each day with hope and prayerful anticipation that this period of earthquakes will settle soon and that the whole experience has challenged us to realign our priorities with values and principles that support our spiritual belief and social connectedness."

PARENTING IN A SLUM WEEK 43 QUOTE 43

This is the FOURTH in the series of posts called "PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES".

"Our family falls into the probably rather small category of Westerners parenting in slums. We are living outside of our home culture in a rapidly developing country with a high rate of poverty. We find ourselves living in a two-room 'house' with our three small children, aged 7, 4 and 2, intent on an experiment of identification with our poor neighbours. This probably sounds like lunacy to some, or a recipe for disaster; yet we made the choice to come and do this with our children because we want to live out our beliefs, and engage with a part of society too easily relegated to the side-lines.
Poverty is everyone's issue. For those of us who live in wealthier nations with social welfare benefits for all, it is easy not to engage. We too easily forget that the poor in other nations are our poor - the people making our clothes, shoes and electronic goods. We believe that there is a need to be advocates for justice and peace in the midst of this situation; hence we came to live and learn amongst poor friends.
Parenting in a situation like this is far from easy, though I would wager that parenting small (and big) children is a challenge at any time and in any place. For us, we find the challenges and difficulties of parenting are multiplied here, as we lack many 'essentials' that parents in our home country have access to. Shaped as we are by our home culture, there are aspects of child-rearing here that we dislike and choose to avoid; yes, this makes it harder for us in some ways, but it is also healthy to stick to your ideals sometimes. For example, we choose not to have a television (great baby-sitter that it is) because we want our children to grow up learning to play creatively and make their own fun.
Our three boys are highly energetic lads, and move from one activity to the next with gusto, accompanied by plenty of noise and chaos. With three like these, the ideal location to live would be a farm somewhere - with endless opportunities for exploration and play. Instead, our neighbourhood is a barren, dusty wasteland; and play is limited by security concerns and a lack of facilities.

Everything here is dusty and grey; you can forget grass to roll about on or trees to climb. There are no public parks or libraries, swimming pools or beaches. It is hard to offer children good opportunities for normal healthy development. And when everyone feels a bit house-bound and in need of a change of scenery, there is no-where else to go. We often need to creatively separate the three children so they can have some time and space to themselves - even building a little fort outside so that they can have their own 'place'.
We've had to let go of some parenting methods that worked back home, and look for solutions to the parenting struggles that result from our new situation (these include a lack of privacy, negative influences from outside, limited space, few opportunities for development etc.). Children here usually go to bed at 10pm or later which is stressful for parents. Strategies like time-out don't work well when there are no quiet places for children to retreat to. Other strategies continue to work well, for example, motivating and rewarding children by giving them small privileges, e.g. who gets to check the hen-house for eggs or extra reading time at night. Without that wonderful helper SPACE, one needs to use a lot of psychology and encouragement to keep the children happy and compliant.


Most parents want the best for their children - a good education, a healthy and happy upbringing, a united family etc. The parents in our poor community are exactly the same. They too have many hopes and dreams for their little ones. For many, these dreams will die to the reality of poverty; others will fight hard and hopefully achieve their vision of a better life for the generations to come. However, one healthy aspect of parenting here is the lack of competition which is so prevalent among parents in the West. One often encounters mothers and fathers who live vicariously off their children's achievements, or find their worth and pride in the successes of their sons and daughters. Back home, expectations are high and there is often a lot of pressure put on children to succeed and 'do their parents proud'. Life here is a lot more relaxed and easy-going. There are not endless practices and extra-curricular activities to attend - children spend more time being children and not running on the treadmill of success. I like this.

I hope that, in the future when we look back on our time here, we can celebrate the opportunities we had to spend time together as a family, the slowness of life and the many hours of simple play. That we look back with fondness to the many friends we made here and the way we were invited into people's lives despite our differences. And hopefully, we all will have been changed .... hopefully our children will grow with greater maturity and grace, aware of the gross differences that exist in the world, and empowered through their experiences here to be advocates for justice and peace."


THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ you have probably been made aware of all your SPACE, freedoms and choices along with your possessions that, like mine, have been taken for granted for the last while. This is somewhere to start this week with your kids - to find and see the privileges we live in. Next step would be to put this into the context for your kids that the majority of the world don't live in this way. The experience of the above Western children living in the slum, will give them some knowledge of its reality, but how about your kids and my kids? Is this an area you need to consider more in how you parent?
Cathy 

PARENTING TOGETHER AND AT TIMES AT A DISTANCE" WEEK 42 QUOTE 42

This is the THIRD part in a series called   PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES.


"My occupation as an international pilot, means that at times I have to parent from a distance.
It is very important to me to maintain a normal, healthy Family environment for all of us. Some months I have less than half the normal parenting time in New Zealand to achieve this, so the need to spend time together as a Family can prove to be difficult. 
For my wife it can feel like being a solo parent and this naturally develops independence. This needs to be managed carefully by me when I am home, as it is easy to arrive home and effectively upset the normal day-to-day routine from my wife's perspective. We almost have to plan time, so that the two of us can spend time together to just talk and catch up in general.
It is difficult but important for me to ensure I am in touch with the children on a daily basis, to ask them how their day was and what they have learned at school. It is easier to stay in contact with my wife at any time of the day but this can prove to be difficult in general with large time zone changes between countries and it can mean I may not talk to them for a few days.
From a parenting together perspective it is important to both be on the same page in terms of the Family plan.... This requires a 'hand over' as such, so I am up to speed with the children and their needs. This is not that easy to achieve as it is more important for me, being away, than it is for my wife. She is already aware of any day-to-day issues of course but it is important for me to find out what is going on and what is planned for the next period that I am home.
Although I can be away quite a bit an advantage of this lifestyle is that I can spend a whole week or more, 24 hours a day, with my Family between trips. I would spend far more time with my Family in that week than almost any other parent I know who is working.
Living up here in the country has been an enjoyable move for us as a Family compared to our Latte drinking days in the Eastern suburbs. Parents living their lives for themselves and not for the children.... caught up in the 'keeping up with the Jones' scenario.
I appear to be old fashioned compared to some of my peers in terms of things like ~
    *  I usually ensure we sit down together a Family for dinner at any opportunity, even though 
        the girls are very young.
    *  I usually encourage the girls to play by the fire to do puzzles and read at their age to avoid 
        excessive television.
    *  We talk to our children constantly about how important manners are and the importance of
        treating other people with respect especially people who are older than themselves.
I think the biggest cause of families not coping is the lack of communication. People are forgetting to talk about their day-to-day issues, marriage issues, children and financial issues. They struggle to deal with the backlog of perceived problems as they arise because they are constantly avoiding them, and either haven't been brought up with strong values or they do not have the skills, support or inclination to work their way through these things. 
Taking some pride in what you do and who you are, would go a long way. I don't have the answers but I do have the awareness of the way Society is and its downsides. Helping people identify their own issues and problems is a good start. And when they have the tools and start communicating they will go a long way, if not get there!!"


THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ a timely reminder is presented here for us all to make the most of our times together as Families - our need to identify, plan and put into practice routines and habits which 'glue' us together more as a Family. What that means in your Family is probably different to what it will be in mine. This week ask your Family for ideas on how they would like to to spend more time together enjoying being a Family.
Cathy

PARENTING A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD WEEK 41 QUOTE 41

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of one's self.
We must be purposely kind and generous or we miss the best part of life's existence.
The heart that goes out of itself gets large and full of joy.
We do ourselves most good by doing something for others."
               Horace Mam  (1796 - 1859)  American educator, writer and politician.


The author this week chose this quote and prefers to stay anonymous.


This is the second post in the series "PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES". 

PART 2 ~  Parenting a Special Needs Child


"After we had our special needs child I found an article about a person who was interested in the culture of France, in particular in Paris and the French language. It was a dream for this person to travel to Paris and the preparation for the trip took many years. Finally one day he could go. But by mistake he hopped on the wrong train. He went to Venice and he only realized the mistake on arrival. He looked for the things he had read about that were in Paris, but they weren't there.
It is like this for parents who give birth to a special needs child - they end up in Venice instead of Paris.
With a special needs child everyday doings are hard and I often don't know what to do. People give me different directions and advice, often not understanding what I'm going through. I experience this a lot. But then I think even though I am not in Paris, Venice is still a very beautiful place.
A special needs child still goes through the same development as a normal child and there are still joys and challenges along the way. Parents of special needs children need to change their mindset from Paris to Venice, then the difficulties are not overwhelming and in time you find you get better and better in what you are doing.
For me as long as I have had a special needs child in our family, I feel that she has been a blessing, like all healthy children are to their families. A special needs child creates lots of learning opportunities for everyone in the family. Some people think I must be dissatisfied I have a special needs child in my family, but I am not. A parent with a special needs child must change their mindset to see it is an advantage to have this child who has special needs.
I like to think of it as being like when someone learns to play the flute, where you only need to read one line of music to play. However if you learn to play the piano you need to learn to read two lines of music at the same time. This is like the family with the special needs child. The special needs child is less independent, requires prolonged physical care, makes others in the family have to learn to be patient - everyone in the family lives with the difficulties a special needs child brings into the family. It is hard to live with it. It is hard to learn to play the piano with two hands at once, but with lots of practice it can be done successfully. To live at home with a special needs child, the rest of the family is given training and lots of practice, so when they go to work or school each day the troubles they find there can be handled. The training at home has equipped them to handle more.
I have had to change my thinking. I refuse to be negative about our special needs child because it can affect the attitude of my family, making them negative towards her.


Three suggestions for people in a similar position as us ~
1. Educate yourself about your child's area of special need. Get all the help you can to understand them.
2. Find something that recharges you - so you can keep going because it's a long journey. For each person it will be different things - maybe nature, looking after a garden, reading books, exercising - anything. Once you know the thing that will recharge you, work out different ways to do it. Say you love nature but you can't get out of the house - look out the window and study the clouds for a few minutes. You need to train yourself because the job of caring for the family is overwhelming! If you let your busy life  be only filled with doing the job, you will end up being depressed. Keep yourself in good shape.
3. Surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. You could have different reactions from people towards you and towards your child. Some people because they don't know enough about special needs children, withdraw. It doesn't mean they don't care about you, they just don't know what to do. Other people may have their own issues in their own lives. It is said that 80% of people's problems is to do with how people feel about themselves. 
So we need to stay close to positive and supportive people to help us do our job.


THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ you probably like me have been challenged in your parenting. The quote at the beginning has a message which is rarely in my mind - how about yours? But if I pursued those thoughts I know I would parent differently, better. How about you? Some food for thought for this week.
Cathy

PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES ~ PART 1-"BEING THE MAIN PARENT" WEEK 40 QUOTE 40

This is the first post in a series on "PARENTS LIVING UNDER DIFFICULTIES"
Part 1  ~  "Being the Main Parent".
The parent author of this post wishes to stay anonymous.

"We have one beautiful child. We planned to have him and we were ready in our marriage to take the big leap into parenthood. We spoke excitedly about parenting ideas, names and the challenges that lay ahead, but I didn't foresee the biggest challenge of them all. As the due date got closer my partner's mental health issues began to worsen. We thought we had it under control, but by the time our beautiful boy was three months old the illness was raging seemingly out of control. And so reluctantly I became the main parent, and in time, the only parent living in the house.
Initially the hardest bit about parenting solo was that I had never thought that through. I hadn't thought about how to take care of myself when I had a child all the time without anyone to 'tag team' with. Then the bitterness set in. I was angry with my partner for being sick and not able to live up to our expectations of parenthood, that I was almost unable to engage with our son because I had difficulty controlling my own emotions.
Time ticked on. I swallowed my pride and sense of independence and started asking for help....and more importantly accepting it. This is my most important lesson - allowing others to be part of my life and to help. I found this particularly hard because our family don't live very close and on both sides our parents are still working, and so unable to offer regular time to have our son. Thus, my main help came from non-family members.
The crisis point of the illness has passed, yet I continue to be the main parent. The ongoing nature of being the solo parent is exhausting. I survive by finding people who I can talk through parenting issues with. I thrive when I talk with my trustworthy friends and vent about the overwhelming sense of responsibility and the feeling that I am never able to fully rest, that I'm always 'on the clock'. I thrive when I take time out for me, to read, garden, engage intellectually with the world around me and generally take care of the person God made me to be. I thrive when I remember that I need to have different expectations of myself as a parent in this circumstance, and be forgiving and patient with me.
There are many challenges in parenting in general, but there are a few that I think are specific to situations like mine - I'll list just a few.
  *  Making decisions about my son without someone who is equally invested.
  *  Helping my son understand what is happening with my partner.
  *  Staying positive to our son about my partner.
  *  Accepting help - so humbling and hard at times.
  *  Including my partner in discussions about parenting and how to take on board my partner's 
      suggestions about our child, whilst knowing that it's up to me to implement them and to 
      enforce them.
  *  The challenge of the irregular nature of my partner's involvement.
  *  My son does find it hard to rely on my partner, to know when he will see this parent and how 
      much is expected when they are around. That gives me so much sadness.
  *  Socially it can be hard because I'm mum and dad filler....and there are lots of events that 
      expect a certain gendered parent to be involved in certain activities (I find it best with this one
      to jump in gung-ho as if I didn't notice.)


There is, however great gains in being the main parent also. Consistency is easier because it's just me. Planning events - I can selfishly choose the things I like most. Special time with our son - I love getting so much special time with him while he is young. I love that he snuggles with me, seeks me out and that we know each other so well.


When and if my days of being the main parent end, I will have learnt a lot of things, in particular, how to give myself time so that I can take care of my son and do the best job possible, which is what I want to do. I have also been made aware of the different strengths that others can bring to our child, and the joy that both he and they receive from sharing life together. I have realised that a child does need a whole community of people around them, regardless of their home situation, and that finding safe, kind people to fill his life with is a blessing for all of us.


THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ if you have a friend in a similar situation, you could offer to "borrow" their child for the day or take your friend and child out for a fun day away from home so both can have an exciting, exhilarating and stimulating or relaxing and refreshing break. You will probably all have such a happy time that it'll become a regular get together.
Cathy

HOW A PARENT'S LIFE INSPIRES THEIR CHILD'S LIFE WEEK 39 QUOTE 39

"Waiting for my dear friend, I thought about how my experiences had given me a stronger sense of myself. I had been gradually stripping away the extraneous things that I'd pinned to my life in Melbourne - all the unthinking routines and urban distractions. I was surprised by what was revealed underneath. Knowing what really mattered to me inspired a confidence I'd never felt before. I thought about how our children had become far more confident, too. I had such admiration for their diligence and perseverance in overcoming the frustrations of learning a new language to make new friends. To see a child branch out in a strange new world, despite the obvious constraints of language and culture, is the stuff that makes a parent's heart sing. I reflected that at Bosgouet each of us had found a new incarnation, a little bit of ourselves that we would not have known existed if we hadn't taken this opportunity."

Jane Webster : "AT MT FRENCH TABLE" page 220.

The book "At My French Table", is a feast for the eyes with its photography, a feast for the stomach with its gastronomical delights described and shared through recipes, and a feast of thoughts to meuse on. The author, Jane Webster, takes her family from a yuppy Melbourne suburban lifestyle to a culture and history rich rural existence in Normandy, France, filled with continual new challenges. 

In Normandy, Jane discovered and admitted  the things she had "pinned" to her life to be "extraneous", "unthinking routines and urban distractions."  Life often happens to us, opportunities present themselves and we are taken along before we have chosen to be committed. Do you think on your lifestyle choices regularly? It's healthy to do so. I find our annual two weeks basic camping in a farmer's paddock with four beaches minutes away, to be the ideal atmosphere to both recharge and rethink lifestyle.

Life for Jane in Normandy, with its tough challenges had "inspired a confidence I'd never felt before", said Jane. That's great, but something better was to come ~ Jane's new-found confidence had influenced her children in their "confidence", "diligence and perseverance in overcoming the frustration of learning a new language to make new friends .... branch out in a strange new world..."

In a discussion the other night with a group of friends we talked about how parents lives influence their children's lives. Charlotte Mason's writings on the subject got us started. She showed us a process.

Firstly, one is "struck by an idea". In Jane's case, smitten with French cuisine and culture and her personal love for cooking, she was struck by the French "reverential" treatment of food. She says, it "made me feel as if I'd come home." Here was the idea, the attraction, the "something that had lain so deep in me for so long." ~ French-style cooking.

Charlotte's second  step is "intention", acquiring more knowledge about the idea. This began for Jane on her return to Melbourne after her honeymoon in France in 1990. She busied herself studying French cookery under a multitude of chefs, and trialled her cooking skills on friends. This led to her resigning from her teaching job and opening a small cafe. The intention part of the process isn't always as clear as it was for Jane, but as Charlotte Mason says, "it is strong enough to move one to action; to find the things and get the knowledge". This gathering of knowledge and experience develops and affects the thoughts, opinions and behavior of a person.

The third stage is "purpose" or conviction to keep at it, "embracing the idea". In Jane's life the years passed, four children were born into the Webster family and all the while the passion for the next trip to France preoccupied Jane. Then her "eureke moment; I could run culinary tours combined with hands-on cooking classes". What an idea. As she talked to her husband Pete and each of her children, the plan met with positive responses.

The fourth and final phase is "resolution". The difficulties to achieve the goal and purpose are faced and as each is solved ones resolution to keep-at-it is strengthened. Jane's determination brought her confidence which influenced the growing confidence in her children's lives. Charlotte Mason describes it as "there is a certain largeness in (Jane's) opinions and in (her) conduct of life. (She) has an uplifting effect on (her children). (She) helps them to see matters from other than their personal ... standpoint ... carrying with them the spacious thoughts, the impersonal aims, they got from their (mother)... the stages of purpose and resolution ... were there, because the fruit of that first seed-thougt perfected itself in (her) life, and it continued to bear in the lives of (her children)." Seeing the "first" in her children's lives, Jane described it as "the stuff that makes a parent's heart sing."

Jane Webster ~ the stuff that makes a parent's heart sing.

The second post I wrote was on the topic Parents Have the Biggest Influence on Their Children. You may like to read it and be encouraged.

THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ start by spending some time thinking about your lifestyle. Is it clogged and cluttered? You don't need to travel to another country, as Jane Webster did, to change things. Begin by pursuing any thought or idea you had as you read Jane's story. You possibly already have an idea you've been "struck by". Follow that idea using the clues to develop it into action that Charlotte Mason gave. You're on the way to becoming an inspirational example for your children and sharing the pleasure Jane speaks of "that makes a parent's heart sing."

Cathy

GIVE ME MORE ON BREASTFEEDING WEEK 38 QUOTE 38

"And yes, while it might not start out feeling very natural, with time, for most mothers, it becomes beautiful. Although perseverance can seem an anomaly in this fast-paced world, you'll never hear a woman still breastfeeding past six months complain about how hard it is."
Megan Nicol Reed : "The Agony and the Ecstasy".  Sunday Star-Times  April 3 2011.

As the quote above from Megan Nicol Reed, says, starting breastfeeding with your newborn baby, is a wonder and art.


This is the fourth and final part in the series on Breastfeeding, and I return to sharing Margaret McGlashan's knowledge with you.


6. Give us a simple run-down on how a mum should prepares herself before the birth if she wants to breastfeed her baby.
Mums need a good diet - good food and good drink. 
Both mum and baby do best if mum has a good mindset in preparation for a natural delivery. Before your baby arrives get your house organized and in order then you will be able to give attention to your baby. 
Don't fall into the trap of doing too much intellectual planning and preparation for the birth, this only leads to you 'labouring intellectually' or as the book says. Mums approaching birth in this manner don't have the success, freedom, confidence or satisfaction that mothers have who turn into the situation, following their instincts - the lead or cues their own body gives.
Being able to breastfeed is one of the natural functions of a mother's body 
    ~ her body is able to conceive the baby on its own
    ~ her body is able to 'grow' the baby on its own
    ~ her body is able to birth the baby on its own
    ~ her body is able to feed the baby on its own.


7. Can you talk us through how you teach mums to breastfeed, from the start?
At a good birth once your baby is born, it will be put onto your chest or abdomen - this is called skin-to-skin and this close contact helps your baby adjust to its new life outside you. Staying skin-to-skin, even up to two hours, is good for giving warmth to the baby and reassuring them you are close.
In the first 3 - 4 minutes after birth the hormone oxytocin is released within the mother's body. This is a natural process that the body performs. Oxytocin helps the placenta to separate and triggers a mum's breast milk to come in over the following days. For this hormone to be successfully released in this small window of time, there needs to be quietness as the baby births and over the following minutes until the placenta is also birthed. Birth is not over until the placenta is born. Noise, along with with drug induced births, suppress the release of oxytocin. These two factors are contributors to postnatal depression in mothers. (Possibly more in a later post). 
To understand the importance of quietness at the time of birth I want you to think of when you are in the moment of intimate sex with your partner. If someone suddenly rushes into the room, phone bleeping, asking if you want takeaways, your sexual experience is ruined. This is the effect of noise, conversations, mobiles bleeping... in the birthing room - it interrupts the moment and shuts down oxytocin release. As parents, medical professionals or friends, we are present at the birth to support the mum and the baby, not to direct them. So, allow nature to do its 'thing'.
From the skin-to-skin position, babies often wriggle around to latch themselves onto the breast, instinctively. If the birth has been natural, the baby with inbuilt alertness, will find your nipple and position itself and latch on to the breast correctly.
If you are not sure if you are 'doing it right', this is what you looking for 
    ~ baby's chest is against your chest
    ~ their ear, shoulder and hip are in a straight line
    ~ your baby's chin should be under your breast, his nose will be free to breath above the nipple
       or if baby is in a position as in the photo, their chin will be on the right of your breast and 
       their nose will be on the left.
    ~ then their mouth will open with their lips flanged back.
    ~ pop your nipple into the open mouth if needed
    ~ if your baby has correctly latched on there will be no areola showing below baby's bottom lip
    ~ your nipple should go right to the back of your baby's mouth - this is called a deep latch
    ~ when first latched on the baby will make several rapid sucks, then settle down to a regular 
       rhythm of suck, swallow, breathe, suck, swallow, breathe
    ~ the baby's lower jaw makes big movements right up to their ear and this makes the baby 
       appear to have a 'double chin'
    ~ let the baby feed as long as they want as this keeps your breasts drained as well as 
       establishing you milk supply and satisfying the baby's hunger.
    ~ in the first few days 'cluster feeds' are normal - possibly 10 - 12 daily. This is not spoiling the 
       baby. Relax and enjoy your baby, allowing unlimited access to feed
    ~ you will know your baby is receiving enough milk if -
            # they are alert, bright-eyed, active and contented.
            # they have a moist mouth.
            # they have soaking wet nappies and regular bowl motions.
            # they are growing and gaining weight each month.


8. What things have you found discourage mothers from breastfeeding?
Well, I have rarely had a bottle-feeding mum.
Some mums who want to return to work think they don't have time to breastfeed, but a breastfeeding specialist can help them with this, or a group such as the La Leche League.
Mothers who have bad health or bad eating habits can have trouble breastfeeding.
Mums can be pressured to stop breastfeeding by their peers who may not be mothers themselves and even a young mum's own mother can discourage her from starting or continuing to breastfeed.
Occasionally a mother may not have breast tissue to breastfeed, or she may have inverted nipples.
A baby can be tongue tired or have tongue abnormalities. The incidents of this are increasing, but with specialist help, can be solved. 


9. As a midwife, what do you think of Montana State University's findings - that breastfeeding mothers are seen by the public as less competent than bottle-feeding mothers?
I don't think this question is worth an answer. Every woman is intelligent within their own right. The fact that breastfeeding mums want to care for their baby in the best way possible, shows they are intelligent and competent. The fact is they are giving their baby perfect nutrition.


10. Do you think the solution to right this wrong attitude toward breastfeeding mums, is for more breastfeeding mums in prominent positions, to lead the way in speaking out? Or do you think there is another way?
Well, to start with it would help if there was no advertising of breast milk substitutes in the health care system, no samples given to mothers or pregnant women, or health workers.
But the best way to bring change is through television advertising, through the promotion of mums of different ethnicities, breastfeeding. This is a real way, real education which will affect the  public's thinking. New Zealand TV is ahead of the UK and Australia in these areas, leading the way in its promotion, for example, of Maori mothers being encouraged to breastfeed. New Zealand has good educators and good hospital initiatives.


THANK YOU Margaret. Margaret McGlashan is a part of the team at the Helensville Birthing Unit in the outer Auckland area. This unit is one of New Zealand's top Baby Friendly Hospitals.


THISWEEKWITHTHEKIDS ~ focus your mind on the fact that by breastfeeding your baby, you are giving lifetime benefits to them. Happy feeding.
Cathy